Emotional

I'm feeling pretty bummed right now. It's just frustrating that I have soooo MANY friends but seriously, I don't think I should still be considering them as friends if they don't want me around them. I know I can be so darn sensitive at times but seriously, sometimes singlehood does get to me that I am single and forever alone! Why do you think I get out so much and try to entertain myself with all the events there are when there is? Don't be surprised to see me anywhere alone because let me remind you that YES I AM FOREVER ALONE!

I saw online that he has finally gotten his first child in his hands. I don't know how to react to that. Of course I still feel bummed to the betrayal but people say, if you love something, let it go. Was there even Love in the first place? Well, there's something only God knows I guess. I definitely hope he will change his ways and not be that monster he always was before he got married. People say marriage can change one's life. I sure do hope that he has changed for the better and not let me feel betrayed for nothing.

Here I am, lying on my bed alone, typing everything that can possibly be on my mind and feeling awful even though I have just laughed my ass off watching some comedian series.

Arghhhh. Just go to bed Susan Ho. Tomorrow will just be another day in KL.

*so thats why I love being back in Ipoh. I have real friends there. Sad case.

A random Emo Post...

WARNING! THIS POST IS ABOUT MY LIFE, HOW I AM TRYING TO COPE MY LIFE, ALL ABOUT ME! IF YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW ANYTHING, SKIP THIS POST AND READ THE NEXT! 

BEST READ IF YOU WANT TO BE MY NEXT PARTNER.

I'm actually having trouble starting this post. So much going on in my mind, so many things happening around me...

Let's just talk about my love life then...

For years I have been attached to someone, physically and mentally. Singlehood for me was a real shocker last year as I have never been single for more than a month before since my schooling days. So far, it's been almost a year now that I've been on my own. At first, I did ask myself "How are you going to survive the days going by alone? Who are you going to turn to when you get sad and lonely? Who are you going to find when you needed someone to talk to?" But after a year now, I guess I really have to thank my boys and bestie. They are the ones who were there for me, spending time with me, calling me up to check how I was, turning my frown upside down. It's this time that I finally understood the power of friendship. I neglected them when I had a boyfriend and they still stuck on to me after I broke it off. I will never leave them again.

No doubt being single isn't easy especially when I've been in a relationship all these years. I've been so used to depending on someone, having hugs and kisses, someone to watch movies with, hang out with, sit at home with... There are times when I longs for someone to hug and cuddle with, but I guess that will have to wait. My boys have been watching movies with me, hanging out with me especially at promotional places. I have been sitting at home with my mom and also Coco, the new member of the family, watching TV or just spending time with my family, which I never really did when I was in a relationship.

For this past year, I have come to my senses and realized what kind of a girlfriend/friend I have been all this while. I tend to help people a lot even when they don't ask for any help. Sometimes, I tend to overdo it and people may take it the wrong way. I tend to help them whole heartedly and expect nothing back but I guess in this world, people think that EVERYONE expects something in return. It is hard to be a nice person nowadays...

I have always been a sensitive, overprotective girlfriend. I am sensitive in a way that I am bad tempered because I get jealous really easily. I have trust issues. I don't trust guys easily anymore because I have been cheated on and lied to too many times. I checked on him a lot too. That may be very annoying I know. I am starting to learn how to not care too much. Sometimes, you have to let go some to gain some...

I've always told my mom, "I ain't getting married. I'll only get married if I find a guy who is so in love with me that he won't mind me not giving birth to any children for him." 

I don't plan on giving birth because it causes too much pain. If you know me in real life long enough, you will know that I have a big problem with pain. You can pinch me and I can scream in pain. Yeah. That bad. I have thought of second piercings but then again, second thoughts IT HURTS! Let alone body art. 

Someone was just asking me what I was doing. He told me to tell about a story about a guy whose body is filled with tattoos and that I was scared. Seriously, I am a bit terrified of full body tattooed guys. Not that I've met any of them yet, but it's just quite scary though. I have nothing against it though. It takes a lot of guts and courage to take up one. (That's why I am tattoo-free!) I have only seen people with a few tattoos but not all over the body though. Hmm...

Anyway, time to end this post. It's getting late. Long week this week. Friends coming down from all over the world, Avengers on Wednesday, going to KL on Friday, meeting up a long lost friend, meeting my oversea friends during the weekend, Spa treatment on Tuesday... PHEW!!! Wait for updates yah!!!

Beautiful Nightmare

Dreams...

Don't you just wish that some dreams came true? 

Have you ever woken up in the morning feeling bummed that it was all just a dream?

Damn, that's just how I feel right now...

I've been having weird dreams nowadays. 

Most of it, I wished came true...

I've been dreaming about this someone frequently nowadays. It's definitely a sweet and beautiful dream. How is it also a nightmare? He is someone I fancy yet he is committed in a very serious relationship. It's impossible to come true...

ARGH! Dreams, I rather you just leave me alone. No matter good or bad...

Memories of Friendship

Time flies very fast, don't it? It seems like it was just yesterday that you had tons of friends, tons of events and parties to go to, or even HOPING SO MUCH to go to. It isn't just your youth that goes away as the years pass. Even your friends start to leave you one by one...

I have always been a people person. I love hanging out with people, with friends, with crowds. I think I have even blogged about this before once, but who remembers? Anyway here I am again, telling you how much friends mean to me... AHEM

Last time, parents always prevented us from watching certain movies as it brings us bad influences. Nowadays, I would rather say it back to my parents. The movies nowadays keep showing how children should mix with their own level of kids, either financially or knowledge wise! It indeed is horrible that it really reflects to the real world nowadays. Parents always tell us that we should not mix with those with Tattoos, not a good family background, people who has lower income, people who don't have a professional job, etc. Let alone when we start dating one! 

Seriously I don't think friends should be judged by the way they look, the way they live their life, their interest, their statuses, etc. Friends are friends. No one is perfect in this world! Tattoos nowadays are considered as an art. You can't hate someone just because he has one! It no longer is the 18th century where tattoos mainly only means gangsterism. Unless you watch too much of Gu Wak Jai.

How are we to judge a person from a family background that they can't control? If they are from a broken family, I'm quite sure it's not their fault that the family is broken. Why blame it on someone who has nothing to do with it?

Who are we to judge a person by their work or professionalism? Seriously? Are you in that position yourself? If you are, well done to you. But it would be impossible for everyone in this world to have a professional job right? 

I have friends from all kinds of background. I have poor to rich, good to bad, knowledgeable and stupid... Who cares? To me everyone is equal. I also have friends who treat me like shit for many years and I still consider them as my friends. It's always better to have friends than foes right?

Time after time, people who has disappeared from my life appears out of nowhere calling me out for drinks. They are also people who never replied to my every call or message at times but I still entertain them. Well, the positive way to think is, they still think about me? It somehow also draws a smile across my face when I see their name or picture appear on the screen of my phone. Stupid, aren't I?

All my schooling life I have never had a group of friends that stuck by me all the time. I used to just pop by the canteen and just randomly find people whom I've met before and eat with them. Eventually, I knew most of the people in school. That got me sort of popular for being unpopular. LOL!

However, I'm glad to have met a gang which stuck on to me til now from my college days. Come to think of it, it's been 6-7 years of friendship already. They are not rich or famous, but they are truly my best friends who have been there for me through rich and poor, through hard times and the thin, who accepts me for who I am...

As time passes by, of course one by one leaves to go for work but we still remain in contact and try our best to meet up while we can all the time. Movies, drinks, meals... 

Just a few days ago, my friends actually posted a video which consisted almost all of us back in 2006. My first or second birthday celebration with them at Ipoh Old Town Kopitiam. I had an ice-cream cake from Baskin Robbins, my first ice-cream cake, and we all dug in instead of cutting it slice by slice. That's how close we were. Also because back then, we didn't know how to cut a hard rock ice-cream cake. We dug in with a fork each and finished the entire thing. We then played with the left over dried ice. Watching the video makes me think back all the memories and how much fun we had back then. We still have fun now but it just ain't the same as there are some people missing from Ipoh already... Here's a video of us...

Astro Battleground, a night commited to FIX

*Before you start watching my cacated videos, I would like you to forgive me for my unsteady hands, shaky hands and poor quality as I had to record them all from the LCD above my head... *

Walked to Sunway Giza after work today as I had nothing better to do. It was only about 3.30pm by the time I arrived. The first person I saw as I was walking there was PoppingJoe with his ever loving girlfriend.

Joey, Charles, Kurisu and Ben were chilling at Giza with their makeup on. WOW! Charles, you are damn FAIR!!! HAHA! Macam yes gam... Joey was still having a slight fever, Kurisu was having body aches...

 Haven't seen Eric in a while. It's good to see him again...

Stayed around Giza area to snap a few shots and also eat my lunch at Hometown cafe alone as I had no idea to what to eat.

Walked to Chatime and STALKED Dennis and Chriz down at the mamak nearby. HAHA! STALKER SIAL! HAHA! Sat with them for a little while before going off to buy myself some CHATIME!!!

Time passed so slowly for me as I was so anxious to see FIX's performance. After all, I'm in Giza because of them. ^^ Thank God as Hoshi and Kaze came not long after to rescue me from the boredom I was suffering from and gave me my ROCK ZONE TICKETS!

However, unlucky for me, I didn't get to grab a FIX t-shirt as it was SOLD OUT! Damn!!! At least I have a customized cap... LIMITED EDITION OWHKAYZ???

At approximately 6pm, everyone was lining up to get into the Rock zone to watch their idols dance. We, on the other hand, stood outside and took photos while the fans all gathered up the front.

Saw Chriz and Dennis walking around and posing. The posing Hunks.

We only took our place right after everyone was in. We stood right behind so we could watch everything... It was a bummer actually that FIX fans get to stand at the side of the stage instead of the front. Therefore I only got videos from the side view, and most of the stage props were blocking our way. The only way for me to video was to video it from the LCD screen above us. Therefore do enjoy our side of a view from my videos. At least I get to video the fans from my side.

They started off with the few crews on stage, and also the judges and their routine.

Then, it was time for the SHOW TO BEGIN!!!

4 groups battled their hearts out tonight. For us who came for FIX, we were blown out of our minds!!! First they gave us a performance which was just speechless.

You can just see the responses I got from people around me after the video I had of them. Their Traditional dance was just DOPE! Not forgetting this Titanic one below!!!

Seriously where do they get these ideas from? CRAZY SHIT MAN! Charles and Joe, you girls and hot! HAHA! Hands down to that! No chick can ever do what you both did. Joey, Kurisu and Ben, you three were dope itself! You were all dopity dope dope! HAHA... From their first performance itself, I have suddenly turned myself from a friend to a fan. Oh My GAWSHHH!!! I practically did post that on instagram.

There was a short performance from some kids. WELL DONE!!!

FIX fought well and great throughout the whole battle and we were already off our feet watching them on stage. Fans were just crazy just as they were announced a temporary winner as they still had to battle to the last to gain the real championship. Fans were already talking about their victory during the commercial breaks and damn did we all have all our fingers crossed right until the last minute of the battle.

There was also a surprise performance by Dennis, Rebecca, Chriz and Kelvin!!!

However, as the battle came to an end, the result had to come. The suspense was mad as the first two votes were for Katoon Network. We were all bummed up in our heads, keeping our fingers crossed. Then the other two was for FIX. Fans went wild...

 

 

until the moment they pronounced FIX as the runner up. Fans of FIX went silent and a few of them sobbed away. I was near to tears myself. We all knew how much effort they have put in the few months of training, how much tears, how much sweat. However, to us, they have done the best they could and that's all that matters. They are the champion in our hearts. As we watched FIX in tears, our hearts were shattered to the pieces. At least mine was. The feeling was just like my heart was brokened once again. Like i was single all over again. What a way to describe how I felt but that was exactly how I felt.

Some agreed to the decision of the judges but some didn't. However, What's done is done and I would also like to congratulate Katoon Network on their victory. Fix will be back to steal your throne real soon!!! MUAHAHAHA!!! *evil laugh*

After everything was done, FIX got to meet and greet with the fans. Since they were busy, I went to meet up with Leon, Ju and Monkey. It's been a while since I last saw Monkey and Ju. It was my first time meeting up with Leon after all that instagramming and facebooking. He actually knew my name. HAHA. He's really nice and funny though. TALKATIVE TOO! HAHA... Nice to have met him up.

Didn't want to interrupt FIX and their time with their fans, so I just quickly got them to sign on my customized cap and left them alone. Not like I don't get to see them anytime soon...

The night ended so soon and we all just didn't want to leave. NO CHOICE! HAD TO!

We all do wish you all the best FIX! You will forever be the best in our hearts. A little poem for you guys to end this post.

FIX is the best crew ever in our hearts.

Champions forever no matter what.

No doubt unbeatable, our favourite one!

For they bring us laughter, happiness and fun!

The drama

I bet all of you have watched Hong Kong dramas, Taiwan dramas, China dramas etc, right? Well, Little did I know that my life would be almost as dramatic as that... HAHAHA... Songs have been singing sad love songs about just anything. I should be singing one by now, but however I guess I have learnt to let go. Therefore knowing the news didn't exactly give me a big impact.

A kid messaged me on facebook today. She's my EX's Godbrother's daughter. She is about 7 this year I guess? I am speechless as I received it. Please take a look for yourself. After, I shall tell you why all the drama...

Last month, I heard from a distant relative of my EX (the one I have been with for 4 and a half years and only broke up in May 2011) that his girlfriend had announced themselves on Facebook to be married in February next year. I must admit I was shocked at how soon it was going to happen. Just months ago I still stalked her Facebook because I just had to know what was going on in their life. She said that they plan not to be married soon because they still are not financially stable. And to be frank, they have been together for only like what...? 6 months now? Oh, that's the officially time together. I don't know how long they have been together behind my back though... As I tell everyone around me that he is getting married, the responses I get are just the typical modern ones like "Is she pregnant? Why the rush then?" That's what I was thinking too. However, it's up to them as it's their life. None of my business. I don't know if she was attempting to invite me to the wedding or anything, as I don't get why she was trying to add me as a friend on Facebook, especially when I stopped stalking them for months already. It just didn't matter anymore. Perhaps she wanted to rub it in my face that she is getting married to the guy who used to be mine? I don't know what her motive is but I guess I spoilt that plan as it ain't getting me anywhere near rage. I have moved on. I am happy for them too if they are getting married for the right reasons, which is that they have really found their true happiness. 

However, I really wish them all the luck they can have as both parties will have to work really hard to keep the marriage going. Tough job that I won't be able to handle.

*PS. Please don't worry about me. I have really moved on happily already... I mean, just read my blog and see for yourself!

I'm thankful for FRIENDS! My second FAMILY!

After putting on a Stats widget a few days ago, only did I know my blog has been visited 267 times already! WOW! That's a great achievement to me for a blog that has been established for only about a month! Although the number may seem a little obscene, oh well, it works well with me. HEHE!

It's weird that in just these two months, I get to gain a lot of friends, both old and new. 

Friends who was never interested to call me or ask me out or even HAVE MY NUMBER actually messages me on Facebook asking for my contact, friends who went MIA just appeared out of nowhere and started chatting with me on whatever apps, friends who I never knew could be close to me actually turned out to be the bestest I could ever ask for...

New friends I have known through these two months were also extreme. Its just so unexpected. Some I contact now and then and some, just a Hi Bye thing as usual.

However, don't you have the feeling that sometimes new friends could be better than your old friends? I was quite disappointed during my early birthday party in KL. I invited quite a few friends to my pre-birthday and guess what? Only 2 of them showed up. The rest didn't even bother to let me know if they were coming or not. Friends... Or more like Hi Bye people? 

Thank God I met new friends and they turned up for my party, which was unexpected as a few of them didn't promise that they would make it, informing me that they have a function to go to and might not even make it. I have actually concluded with my party being just about 6 or 7 of us friends. I couldn't expect much but was touched as I got so much surprises in one night. Oh well, I guess friendship really doesn't matter on how long you have known each other after all?? It was my first surprise and it was great. I could not have asked for anything better.

Back in Ipoh, I was also surprised with the number of people who attended my birthday countdown celebration. This birthday to me was like a super sweet 16 MTV program! HAHA! Though I didn't book an entire hall or get an expensive sports car, I really felt like a star... 

Thank you all for making my birthday such an unforgettable one this year... I hope to have this every year but then it would not be anymore special now would it? ^^

Who needs a boyfriend when you have all these friends with you??? HAHAH!!! Joking lah... I do miss being in a relationship at times but also, I am enjoying the singlehood life. ANYONE WITH ME HERE???

Friends... Singlehood days

Please forgive me if this post seems a little emo or something. Just suddenly felt like I am damn lucky to have friends...

Throughout my whole life, friends keep telling me 

"Susan, damn do you have many friends!"

"You are really crazy to be with"

"You love laughing don't you?"

"Why are you so happy all the time?"

Etc...

Seriously, to me, no matter how upset I get or how mad I am throughout the day, friends are the ones who brighten up my day and make my worries go away. Therefore, my emptiness, sadness and anger will just be eliminated just when I see them smile. It doesn't matter if I make a fool out of myself or laugh like a maddie, who cares? Just to see a smile appear on my friends' faces are worth all of that.

I have learnt in so many years to live in a positive way. To think of things in another way. (But of course there are negative moments for me, after I am human right?) Throughout this life that I lived, I realised family and friends are the things I can't live without... (Not forgetting music, dance, my sight, etc...) When you are in trouble, your family is always there for you, never betraying you. Friends? Yeah, there are good and bad ones, If they are meant to keep, you will see them in the matter of time. 

Back to the topic, 

friends... 

Yeah, I know many people in my life. But I wouldn't say I have a lot of friends. Sometimes as I scroll in my phonebook, I never get to find anyone to really go out with or even talk to, except my bestie.

I do see some names whom I can call but know they would only come out to take advantage of me in terms of $$ or business. However, I still do call them as I know there will come a day when they will come to their senses. After all, I am happy as long as they are happy.

I have recently met a lot of people throughout the few months being single. People whom I thought would never contacts me, people whom was not my friends to start of with, people who pitied me, people who thinks I was worth making instead of HIM... HIS FRIENDS~! Well, I really do believe that when you are not a good friend, even your closest friends would not stand on your side. I really could not believe it that his friends would call me out for drinks, swimming, and just stuff and not him. Why? Who knows? Maybe they did not like the way he treated me also? Maybe he really has a problem??

Singlehood...

I do feel lonely at times, but I do try to make my time busy by having all sorts of random gatherings, movie mania nights, etc. I have never known the meaning behind singlehood and the days you would go through. There are pros and cons though. I wouldn't say it is all that bad being single. 

For the previous 5 years, I have been spending my birthday with the someone I THOUGHT was special. HE neglected what made me happy, made me give up my passion for dance, made me avoid my guy friends, had my friends disappear as my life back then was only staying at home. I never really did get a chance to spend time with my friends. After having the hell of my life of 4 years and 9 months, I finally got to spend time with my friends, get back to them and keep up with how their life is like again. Little did I know that the little people, younger than me, got to bring me out of my shell and realize how much I have lost through the years. It's them who encouraged me and brought back my bubble personality and also to pursue my dream once again. 

This year, it's gonna be a blast no matter what. I get to celebrate my birthday with not one, but a bunch of friends, no matter what race, gender or background. I don't need anyone's permission anymore! It's my year, the rabbit year and no one's gonna ruin it!!!

HARGH!!!! Finally after writing all these emoness, I am feeling hungry and relieved... ^^

The complicated thing about LOVE

Love... What is it to some people? Everyone's stories are actually different nowadays.

I've heard quite a load of heartbreaks these few months and seriously, I am also tired of hearing about it. It seems like the stories are almost alike and they are not as bad as mine was. All I could do to cheer them up is to relate my story to them and let them realize how much luckier they were and they should just move on like how I have moved on myself.

I am not proud of the stupid things I have done and experiences I have faced. But I am however happy that I have had such experiences to make me grow up. 

Human beings are filled with wants and they are always open for new "opportunities". They are always tempted with the world of temptations. No one is perfect and they are never satisfied. At least that's what I have came up with for the past few months.

Right now, I am feeling lonely. I don't know if I should call it EMO? But I am extremely upset and down the past few days. I could use a flirt, a hug or some love?? ARGHHH!!! I don't even know how LOVE feels like anymore...

ijustneedsomebodytolove